HOW DO YOU LEAD TEAM MEMBERS YOU DON’T LIKE? REAL LEADERSHIP, REAL CHALLENGES – Part 2

By Viktor Koldunov

Welcome to this week’s read, “HOW DO YOU LEAD TEAM MEMBERS YOU DON’T LIKE? REAL LEADERSHIP, REAL CHALLENGES”.

In the first article, I confronted a tough truth that I didn’t like someone on my team. While feeling that way, I still had a responsibility to lead with fairness and kindness. What made it hard was passive-aggressive behaviors, ignored feedback, and a lack of accountability for their work, all while wanting to take over leadership of our team. I thought I was masking my emotions, faking it ‘till you make it type stuff, but then I got feedback of my own.

In Part 2, I’ll share what happened next and how I dealt with it.

So, what did I do?

Starting the next day, I didn’t just say hello and keep it moving, I held myself accountable to pause and engage in longer discussions with them. I couldn’t wait to get away from their desk, but I was “compliant” with the feedback I received. I had not, in 24 hours, adopted a “committed” mindset towards our relationship.

My personal beliefs held me accountable to do the right thing, you know, treat them equitably, understand how they might be feeling, and adjust my actions accordingly. However, my mind really dreaded needing to spend more time with them than necessary. It felt like they had won! They went crying to my boss, and now I had to change!

As time progressed, it felt like their passive-aggressive behavior worsened. This was very tough to deal with, but I dealt with it, until I couldn’t. Let me pause for a moment before telling you what I did next.

Some of you might be thinking, “Why didn’t you just coach them out of a job at this point? Great point. I did have some documentation of our coaching conversations. Nonetheless, although the employee was a royal pain, it would have been perceived as an act of retaliation at that time. Besides, there is a point, without “coaching in circles” (and I’ve done that in my career - #unproductive. I’ll write an article about that in the future), where you do need to start progressive disciplinary actions. But honestly, we weren’t there yet. If you are unsure of how to move forward in situations like this, I advise you to seek support from your leader or H.R. before taking next steps. So, what did I do?

I booked a private room and asked the associate to meet with me ASAP. It was just the two of us - no witnesses.

I aggressively addressed the person (yes, aggressively - not assertively), speaking about the behaviors I had noticed during team meetings. I shared specific observations and demanded a response from this individual about why they were acting that way, particularly in how they were behaving towards me.

They told me they felt I was showing favoritism toward a particular associate on the team (I was), and they didn’t feel I was committed to developing them to become a leader as I was to that other associate (and I wasn’t, because I saw the other person’s leadership potential and not theirs). We essentially had it out in that room.

CRITICAL NOTE: I do not advise you to behave the way I did. I was not prepared for that meeting emotionally. I acted strictly out of frustration towards them, and that is not how I should have behaved, especially as a leader. Just to provide you with some additional insight into what happened in that room, there was no cursing or threatening going on. There were, at times, escalated voices when emotions ran high.

So, what happened after that conversation? You’ll have to read next week’s final article to find out.